This could quite possibly be the most dreaded day for infertiles, seriously. I've certainly been dreading it....
This morning started off rough anyway. Josh and I were fussing over some totally random, and stupid stuff, not to mention I'm just a bit more emotional this time of the month. So getting in the truck to drive to church, I was already on the verge of tears. Once we got in the service, during the singing, in between songs, someone mentioned how blessed she was on this Mother's Day, and I had a total meltdown. I escaped quickly into the bathroom and had a really good cry. I felt better after that, but then our pastor (my father-in-law) read the most beautiful story about why a mother loves her child, which drew the comparison between why God loves us so much. It really was a wonderful story, but the answer to the question was for no other reason than that the child is hers, and is her. Queue the water works again, haha. I survived though, and then had a really, really wonderful rest of the day with Josh's family. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful in-laws that I just adore. We are celebrating with my mom next weekend, and I'm so excited! I can't wait to have her over for a wonderfully long visit :)
I think Mother's Day is a totally awesome holiday, and I'm a firm believer in honoring mothers out there, because I feel than many of them don't ever get the true recognition that they deserve. Having said that, for me, it feels like an exclusive club that I can't be a part of. It made me feel so....defeated. It also reaffirmed my decision to tough it out an see our RE though, so that was definitely a good thing. I am stepping out in faith here, and believing that next Mother's Day, I will either be pregnant, or holding my very own baby!!! Although I may feel defeated at times, I know that I am absolutely not.
In other news, we are heading out to San Antonio tomorrow. Josh has a work conference, and I'm tagging along. It's always a pretty fun conference with lots of stuff to do, and they've announced that ZZ Top will be performing, so I'm a little excited about that, haha. I have a thing for classic rock! Hopefully we'll get to explore a little, too, and see the Alamo and the Riverwalk. I'm sure I'll be able to report back with lots of pictures when we return!!!
18 hours ago
Sorry that yesterday was rough on you. Me too, sister! Me too. It currently isn't at the top of my list of favorite holidays, that's for sure! LoL But I know I will quickly change my mind once I get to be in that exclusive club!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have great family! And I hope you guys have fun in San Antonio. I went almost 9 years ago when my brother graduated boot camp, and I had a blast! I hear it's even better as an adult! Have a great time!
I am so sorry that yesterday was a rough day for you. I total understand how you feel. As I remember those two years of infertility and dreading the birthday parties and baby showers and anything that had to do with motherhood and babies, I tried to avoid. Even now since I have a little one I still think of those years of infertility. I am praying for you and your husband as you to will become parents, God has the perfect time and plan. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you have good in-laws.
You know, even though I didn't struggle with infertility when I was married without a child, I still felt like I was on the outside of some exclusive club. I'm thinking next Mother's Day you and Beka will be pregnant or holding babies. I can't wait!
ReplyDeleteMother's Day was tough on me this year too. Of course for different reasons. Pastor Bobby preached on Proverbs 31 and he spent alot of time talking about how men should treat their wives. And it made me angry because I realized what I crappy marriage I had (besides the obvious). So yeah, even though I have Shiloh and should have been happy on Mother's Day, I still felt like something was missing. Stupid holidays! haha.
- Jenn