Random Thoughts

I've been meaning to write for a few weeks now, but just haven't sat down to actually do it. Part of the reason is because I have a ton of random thoughts, and I can't seem to organize them into anything logical. Here's my attempt at emptying my head.

I've been thinking a lot about people. I really, really wish that I knew people's motives. Especially at work, but just in general. I think any time that you've known someone for awhile, when their personality changes, you naturally doubt that change. But as a Christian, I believe firmly in change, so that's a struggle for me. On that same note, 7 years ago I was unrecognizable. I sat in a dark place, and I lied...A LOT...to the people I loved, and I was mean and hateful, and I wasn't really concerned with what people thought of me. Had someone met me in the short time I lived that way (roughly a year) they would have had a very incorrect perception. And I don't think there would have been a way to explain the devastating events that lead me to that point, and I honestly don't think it would have made a difference. Actions have always spoken louder than words. But I'm not that person. I wasn't before, and I haven't been for awhile. So for me, it's easier to let my guard down and believe the very best, because I've been there, and it honestly took years to rebuild some of the bridges that I burned. There again though, at what point do you stop wading cautiously? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

I thought I would feel more optimistic after our fertility appointment. I thought that somehow that feeling of sheer desperation would leave, and I would only be eager, but not desperate. That happened after our appointment, but only for a brief time. I find myself fighting away the green monster of jealously every single time I see a pregnant belly, or see a baby. I don't want to be that bitter woman. I want to be the woman that trusts in God's plan for my life, and walks where He leads me without question. I'm striving to be that woman...but am I showing that to others? Or do they only see the hopelessness I can't seem to shake? I hope my faith still shines through, even in this valley that I can't crawl out of. I hope that my journey somehow encourages others - not just when I get to celebrate that my prayers have been answered - but also while I'm waiting.

I'm absolutely heartbroken over this stupid oil spill. Regardless of what side of the fence people are sitting on, I think everyone is sad. Obviously I'm sure there is so much more than I know, but I will say this. If I had any say so at all, I would spend every single waking moment trying to find a solution. I can't help but think of all of these poor animals suffering...and somehow I feel like it's a result of "our" selfishness. Shame on us.

I am totally in love with Lara Bars. They literally have like 3 ingredients, and no preservatives/chemicals whatsoever. Plus they are $1 and easy to find at Kroger. They rock my world.

My brother asked me to help him plan my nephew's first birthday party. I am SO excited about this! We're doing a monkey theme, and I've been designing invitations all night! Hopefully I'll be able to post some pictures of them this week!

Whew. I think that's about it. Everything I've been thinking of, thrown out there, just as it sits in my head all day. Maybe now I can pick up with something logical!